Cage
by Sidhrin
Summary: This fic is very dark. It is written in POV-Style. Guess who the main Characters are ^.^ C&C please!


Disclaimer: Gundam Wing isn't mine, surprise surprise!  
  
Credits: Dir en grey, my muse and my friends  
  
  
  
1.1 CAGE  
  
  
  
I sit here. And stare at you. You seem to sleep, but I know that's not true. I close my eyes, let my memories fill my head. Let them replay the movie of life. Of my Sin.  
  
//  
  
shibire wo kirashiteru boku wa mado no chi wo hiki sado no kimi wo matsu  
  
dekireba doku no baiser de.  
  
I stare out of the window. I see your dark silhouette dancing out in the storm. I want to help you. I can't. I feel nothing. Only my burning lips yearning for your skin.  
  
Finally you stumble in. I see your fierce gaze burning upon my exposed skin. I hide nothing.  
  
hitan yue ni bitoku miezu kimi wa saigo no mama de  
  
kioku umete kizukarenu you ni saigo no mama  
  
You touch me. Finally my lips get what they wanted. Finally I can see. The world opens up to me. My memory securely hidden in the depths of my mind. The little girl is burning. You'll never see her. You'll never know. Never realize. But that is ok. I see you burning. Burning in my memory. Securely hidden. So no one else will see, will know, will realize.  
  
You grip my hips. I arch my back. My bangs sticking to my sweating face.  
  
tokei wa hidarimawari demo okashita tsumi wa kaerezu  
  
saisho de saigo no rikaisha yakitsukete  
  
I bury my head in your neck. I smell the faint smell of blood. I know you need this. I shred your shirt. You don't seem to notice. Your busy biting in my skin. And I feel this numbing pain. Numbing my brain. I need this, I want this. I pant. I moan. And yet, you don't make a sound. This seems so odd. But I don't complain.  
  
You need this. I need this. We are captured in an endless circle. I want to make you scream. But I won't. Inside myself, the agonized screams of my soul are unstoppable. They make me feel disgusted.  
  
iyagaru boku wo mite tsuyoku soshite yasashiku muriyari no tetsudan  
  
keshite kimi ni wa ienai  
  
I have to do what I have to do. I hope you understand. I'm not sure if you will. I don't want to. But I have to. This hurts me. But I need the pain. It's relieving me. The smell of blood becomes your odor, the more we do this- it's our sign of sin.  
  
I grind my hips to yours seeking the friction.  
  
kawa no kishimu oto ga itai kizu wo fukamete yukou  
  
shittobukai kimi wa itsudemo reiketsu na no?  
  
2 Your stare darkens. I can see you frowning upon my skin. Is there something that disturbs you? You are so jealous. But I do not betray the ones I commit my sins with. I want to hate myself. But then I needed to have pride.  
  
Finally you take your leather belt. I hold up my wrists. You grab them forcefully. But I do not wince.  
  
So I lay there completely helpless. You bite my neck. I bent my neck up. Make it deeper. Make the blood flow. Let me forget the sins I've committed. You are my priest. You take weight off my shoulders. But you do it with an icy glare. Are you always so cold, when you do this?  
  
osanai koro no gyakutai ga ne ima demo wasurezu ni itai  
  
naze mama wa inai no oshiete yo  
  
I see the face in your face. I shut my eyes. It hurts. But the face does not disappear. It is one of the sins I will not forget. I want to curl up in the bottom of my mother. But I don not have one. Why do I not have a mother? Do I not deserve one? Are my sins too grave? Tell me. Tell me.  
  
But you do not make a sound. All of a sudden you don't move anymore.  
  
itsu ka wa yasashisa ni kizuite haha naru "yurikago" no naka de  
  
I'll find a mother. And then I will find peace. The peace no pacifism gains. The peace of my soul.  
  
hitsuu yue ni mae ga miezu boku no saigo no mama de  
  
semete kimi ni kizukarenu you ni saisho no mama  
  
I'm furious. I can't stand this anymore. You won't realize. I don't want you to. And then I will find peace. My vision goes red. I see blood everywhere. On my hands, on my clothes, on my soul, on you.  
  
//  
  
tokei wa hidarimawari demo okashita tsumi wa kaerezu  
  
saisho de saigo no rikaisha kowashita  
  
boku ni wa yasashisugita no ka naa? mukashi no torauma wo utsushi  
  
saigo no kimi made kowashita boku wa sado?  
  
I reopen my eyes. My look wanders to your back. I see the blood soaked braid of yours. My gaze wanders up this braid. To your crushed skull. Your eyes are wide open. But they see nothing. The violet blue shimmer has disappeared. I sit next to you. I touch your cheek and smile. The sin is committed. But the sinner is gone.  
  
I look again into you eyes, once beautiful, now lifeless and dull. I smile. I know you are not mad. This is, what you always wanted, isn't it. Now you are home aren't you?  
  
I stroke your cheek, it is getting cold. I will fly you to L2, you want to go there, don't you? You want to be buried next to Father Maxwell, don't you?  
  
I know what happened then Duo. But I rescued your soul. I rescue everyone I commit my sins with. My blue eyes close. But I know I can't save my soul.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
here's a translation of the lyrics!  
  
Cage  
  
  
  
impatient the masochist's blood runs in my veins I wait for you, the sadist  
  
if I can do it with a poisonous kiss  
  
because of sorrow I cannot see virtue you are the last mother  
  
the memory buried so that you won't realise the first mother  
  
even though the clock turns backwards the sin I've committed can't be changed  
  
the first and last person who understood me is burned into my memory  
  
see me resisting strongly and then kindly forcing a decision  
  
I can never tell you  
  
the creaking sound of leather hurts me let's make the wound even deeper  
  
you, deeply jealous are you always so cold-hearted?  
  
even now I don't want to forget the abuse of my childhood  
  
why don't I have a mother? tell me...  
  
someday I'll realise kindness inside the mother*-like "cradle"...  
  
because of anguish I cannot see before me my last mother  
  
at least, so that you won't realise the first mother  
  
even though the clock turns backwards the sin I've committed can't be changed  
  
the first and last person who understood me is destroyed  
  
were you too kind to me? the reflection of a trauma from long ago  
  
I destroyed you, the last one am I a sadist?  
  
Feedback please? 


End file.
